My BFF

Not best friends forever. Breast Feeding Finale. That's what I had tonight. I think. It just seems like a good time to stop. She's close to 13 months old and we've had a good run with it. Mark and I are going away next weekend for a wedding and I had it in my head that I would stop around now. I know it sounds like a weird thing to get upset over and make a big deal about to someone who didn't do it or wasn't into it. I feel like I am passionate about very few things and this is one of them.

When Max was born, I knew I wanted to do it and we struggled so much with it at the beginning. He just needed some help figuring it out and I did too. I spent the first few days of his life pumping and giving it to him through a syringe in his mouth while he sucked on Mark's finger which meant hardly any sleep for us in those first few weeks. I learned later that most people who go through that end up quitting but I stuck with it and a few weeks later we were pros. I stopped with him right after 13 months. I assumed I'd have similar issues with Mallory in the beginning but she latched on and knew what to do right away. It was a completely different experience (as are most things with her). I cropped most of this picture out just in case I run for office one day but this is Mallory about 15 minutes old and nursing for the first time. She was so wide eyed and alert



and you can't tell from that picture but she had the perfect latch! When Max was born I had nurses and lactation specialists and anyone else who had an opinion telling me what to do and what was going wrong and that he was starving. This time around, a lactation consultant would stop by and see me nursing and say...looks like you don't need us! It was such a good feeling.

With Max I would sit on the couch and nurse him for a good 20-30 minutes and watch a tv show or talk on the phone or just relax. That was pretty impossible this time. I would be feeding her while bathing Max, running after him, yelling at him and eventually shielding Mallory's head from flying objects. I was usually in a hurry and she learned to eat quickly before I had to take her off of me, prop her up against something and go save Max from whatever he was getting into. So it wasn't as intimate as the first time around but I almost felt like I owed it to her. That was the only time that she had me to herself. We got into a routine and I did the whole lugging the pump to and from work thing and locking myself in my office and praying that I got enough milk for the next day. There were so many times I thought I would have to stop but somehow it always worked out that I had just enough and Mallory has never had any formula. Actually, that's a lie. I added it to her rice cereal one time to see if she would like it more than when I mixed it with water and she spit it right out!

Things got easier around the time when she started eating solid foods and I didn't have to worry about having as much when I went to work. I eventually got down to only pumping one time a day rather than two while I was at work. And recently I stopped pumping at work because she started having whole milk during the day at 11 months. Its amazing that you start out feeding 10-12 times a day, then it gradually lessens until its 5 times a day, then only a few times a day. About a month ago I went to just morning and night. Then last week I stopped that morning session which I miss the most. I would get her from her room and bring her right to our bed. It gave us a few minutes of quiet alone time before Max woke up and came in and jumped on us.

This past week I've only been doing it at night and each night I think...this might be the last time. I wanted the last time to be a good one. The past few nights, Mark was out of town and our nursing sessions before bed were the quick kind where I'm trying to do it while Max is making her laugh and running in and out of her room and I eventually have to lock him out while he screams and its just not enjoyable for anyone. Tonight Mark was home and I made him promise to keep Max downstairs until Mallory was in bed. I turned down the lights in her room, turned on her Disney lullaby cd and we had a good "last time". It was like she knew. She seriously seemed to enjoy it more than she has in the last month (probably because it was nice and peaceful and its usually not). Mallory has fallen asleep nursing maybe 3 times in her life and tonight, she closed her eyes and seemed to really take it all in and was drifting off....so content. I let her stop on her own unlike most of the time when I have to rush her to finish so I can get her to bed and then go deal with whatever else is going on in my house. She laid her head on my shoulder and just sat there for a minute or two. It really was the perfect last time, so much so that I'm not upset. I'm happy we had such a good experience with it and I'll never forget it. I read her my favorite book "I love you through and through" and she went to bed easily like she always does.

So I guess that's the end of my nursing days! Back to being able to take cold medicine and go out of town and let other people put my kids to bed :) And for the record...this will be the first time I'm not nursing or pregnant since November 2006.